London, 30th of December 2011.
So it is the crack of dawn in a mild December winter morning, 2 days before the end of 2011.
You see, I am one of those lucky people for whom New Years resolutions actually seem to work, 7 years ago my eldest son asked my husband and I to stop smoking, we did – only God knows how hard that was; 5 years ago I decided I had to convince my family we needed to move to London, we did, nearly twenty years of my life and work in Africa wrapped up just like that, 6 months flat; last year I had two resolutions, one that I desperately wanted to busy myself more and learn French - a language I have always had a love-hate relationship with, two, that after 43 years of a somewhat idle sportive life I had to stop relying on my hyperactivity to keep me fit and not allow my love of food to show too much on my 1.56cms frame, I had to start to frequent the gym I had so wishfully joined all but 3 years before.
And then I more or less did, the advanced French course I had set to finish in one year, I got to just over the half way mark, the gym however, was a lot more of a success story, I religiously run 5kms, 3 times a week, followed by half an hour of light weights and some stretching on the power plate – does not sound like much, but please remember, this time last year I had been idle for most of my, dare I say, wild 43 years.
So in light of my relative success and in the most unlikely of circumstances, I found myself in the middle of the night brewing a New Years resolution: I am going to start a blog.
Those who know me would have thought, well this blog can only be about fashion - given my life long passion for it, but I have somehow temporarily fallen out of love with fashion, I can not bear to see another one of those ridiculously high platform shoes that look more like weapons than a fashion item -which in my understanding, was supposed to enhance a woman’s beauty and confidence.
Perhaps my fashion beast is currently just hibernating, after having splashed a lot of my husband’s hard earned cash in order to beat hundreds of other women on a waiting list across London, to be the proud owner of a “Celine multicolour trapeze handbag”.
I guess the blog will be dedicated instead, to the millions of thoughts and human life theories that daily flood my brain – lovingly referred to by my husband and children as “The congress”. I will leave it up to your imagination to guess why they call it the congress, you know, many speakers debating at the same time, embarrassingly aloud. You get it.
So, I shall dedicate this first edition of my blog to the unlikely circumstances that led me here.
Yesterday I read and fell in love with a poem which one my oldest friend, as in longest, not aging, had posted on Facebook. It was written in my native Portuguese and titled: “Desejos by Victor Hugo”. It sparked in me a frantic internet search for an English version, I just had to give a copy to each my two sons – who unfortunately were never taught Portuguese by their careless mother. The search proved fruitless, no English version was to be found. What I found out instead, did however prove to be quite fascinating.
Victor Hugo (born 1802, France) was indeed a very famous writer, amongst other unforgettable pieces, he wrote “Les miserables” and “The hunchback of Notre Dame”, but not, I suspect, the above-mentioned poem. My frantic internet search now leads me to believe that the real writer of this poem was a Brazilian named Sergio Jockymann, who first wrote it in a much less glamorous era, 1978, perhaps loosely based on one of Victor Hugo`s pieces, and first had it published in a little corner of a lesser known Brazilian newspaper in 1980.
I shall leave the internet debate to the professionals, but I just had to make up a loose translation to English, my sons could not go on for another day not knowing how I felt about them, and so, I sat down and with sincere apologies to my English readers for so often butchering their language, jotted down the following copy translated from the Portuguese, which was also to become my first blog, a very daring New Years resolution indeed.
Wishes (unconfirmed author)
I wish firstly that you love me,
And that while in love, your love is returned.
And if it is not, you will be quick to forget it.
And in forgetting it, you do not harbour any hurt.
I therefore wish that it is not this way,
But if it is, let it be without despair.
I also wish you to have friends,
So that even those who are bad and inconsequential,
May also be brave and loyal,
And that at least in one of them
You can trust without any doubt.
That is because that is just how life is,
I wish still that you have enemies,
Not too many, not too few,
But in the exact dose to make you, sometimes,
Challenge your beliefs
So you do not feel overly confident.
After all, I wish you to be useful,
But not irreplaceable,
And that, when in my darkest moments,
When there is nothing left,
This usefulness may be sufficient to keep you standing.
I wish still for you to be tolerant,
Not along with those who err little, because that is easy,
But with those who err a lot and irrevocably,
And in putting this tolerance to good use,
You serve as an example to others.
I wish that you, being so young,
Do not mature too fast,
And when you mature, you do not insist on rejuvenating
And when you are old, you do not dedicate yourself to desperation.
Because each age has its own pleasures and pains
And it is necessary to allow these to run in us.
I even wish you to be sad,
Not for a whole year, but for at least a day.
And that on this day you discover
That a daily smile is good,
A habitual smile is meaningless and a constant smile is insane.
I wish you to find out,
As a matter of urgency,
That above and in relation to all, there are the oppressed,
The wronged and unhappy, and they are all around you,
I wish you to cuddle a cat,
Feed a cuckoo and listen to a swallow
Because this way, you will feel good for no particular reason.
I wish too that you plant a seed,
As minute as it may be,
Then follow its growth,
So that you learn how many
Lives come from a tree.
Yes, I do wish for you to have money,
Because you need to be practical.
And that at least once a year
You put a little bit of it
In front of you and say: “this is mine”
Just so that it is clear to you who owns whom.
I also wish that none of your affections ever die,
For them and for you,
But if they do, that you may cry
Without regret and suffer without guilt.
Finally, I wish, if you are a man,
That you have a good woman,
And if you are a woman,
That you have a good man,
And that you love each other today, tomorrow and in the days to follow,
And once you are exhausted and smiling,
There is still love left to start again.
And if all this happens,
I will have nothing left to wish for.
